I’ve had a rough few days. It’s not the pain that’s the worst, but what my mind makes out of it. All the places my mind wanders:
* what if it’s always gonna be like that?
* what if the pain will stay this time?
* what if I’m not gonna be able anymore to do the things I love?
* what if there are some more serious issues
* what if….
* then the shame of having had so many health issues in my life.
*The guilt: ‘Maybe it’s my own fault’.
*The thought of not being ‘good enough’ because of it.
……… and so the mind keeps going… going to all the places… trying to solve it…. Trying to figure it all out……
Today I CHOOSE not to get wrapped up in it. I watch the stream of thoughts. I realize it’s only that – THOUGHTS. Not all thoughts we think are true. In fact, most of them aren’t. Without the thoughts the pain is just pain. Discomfort. But no fear, worry, or any of the other emotions on top of it.
And so I meditate on the pain. Just being really present with it, feeling it (How does it feel?), breathing some space and softness in my body. My mind wants to wander. I bring it back to the present moment. Back to WHAT IS NOW. I cry a little. That’s ok.
I feel a sense of clarity. I connect to my inner peace that’s always there, independent of all circumstances. At least I can practice that now. I think of all the things I’m grateful for and how lucky I am.
I am not my pain. And I am not my thoughts.