There is a secondary gain to every unwanted behaviour – and thus to every unwanted emotion, as a behaviour is an emotion acted out. That thing that you don’t like about yourself… you get some benefit out of it, or you GOT some benefit out of it at the time you adopted that behaviour. I’m not saying you are doing what you are doing on purpose. No, you are running a subconscious program, and repetition is the main feature of the subconscious. By the way, our subconscious mind makes up an estimated 95% to 99%. You might wonder what such ‘secondary gains’ could be. I’ll give you a few examples: * instant gratification and escape from drinking too much or overeating * the relief after a breakdown * the attention you got from your parents when you acted out * the self-doubt and criticism that keep you within your comfort zone and stop you from daring Next time you are frustrated about yourself, because you ‘did it again’ > use that as an opportunity to become conscious. Ask yourself: What am I getting out of this behaviour right now? When did I adopt this behaviour and what was the secondary gain at the time? How can I replace this behaviour with a behaviour that produces the same gain, but that servers you better?